Switchblade Romance

So at night when she’s sound asleep
I head out in the rain to meet
All the things she never gave
To me when I was down
All the things I had to find
With strangers in strange towns

- The Raveonettes, "Little Animal"

Thursday saw me at the Guild of Students again, this time to see Denmark’s premier exponents of neo-50s pulp-noir rock ‘n’ roll, The Raveonettes. It’s become my tradition to mock the support acts, so here we go. First up were The Boxer Rebellion, who blotted their copybook with me by not taking to the stage dressed as Kansu Tigermen. This failing was compounded by the fact that they were rubbish. Marginally better were The Dogs, who filled their slot by copying The Jam. If I wanted to hear that, I would’ve stayed at home and listened to The Jam. Decent version of "A-Bomb On Wardour Street", mind.

The Raveonettes provide an interesting counterpoint to The Dogs. It’s the difference between copying someone and remixing your influences: Sune Rose Wagner and Sharin Foo somehow manage to channel the spirits of Buddy Holly, Marlon Brando, Phil Spector, and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, turning them into something unique.

The Raveonettes have successfully identified what was always great about 1950s rock, and have revived it. It’s filled with the joy of being young and rich, 50s teenagers being the first generatrion to enjoy that. At the same time, it recognises the hollowness underneath it all. You can cruise down California’s sun-baked highways all you like, but we all know that eventually you’ll reach the sea, and then there’s nowhere else to go.

What I’m trying to say is this: you should like The Raveonettes, and if you don’t there’s something wrong with you.

It’s as simple as that.

Airwaves Dream

Watching TV advertising does teach you a lot about the world. Here are just a few things that I didn't know at the start of the week:

1. Some women like to gather in groups, eat crisps, and make pseudo-risque comments about the crisps as they do so. They appear to be unaware that this makes them ther most boring people on Earth.



2. Men should not have facial expressions, and I can now buy a cosmetic product with "anti-expression" ingredients. Blank Generation indeed.



3. Women are allowed to use tampons as currency. The exact value of a tampon is not stated, but they seem to be quite valuable.

A Lovely Day Tomorrow

When you torture somebody to death...everybody would acknowledge that’s torture. But placing a sterilized needle under somebody’s fingernails for fifteen minutes, causing excruciating pain but no permanent physical damage — is that torture?

- Alan Dershowitz, Professor of Criminal Law at Harvard Law School

"We Should Be In The Cellar, Goddamit!"

You made it. Barely. Congratulations! You scored 53!

Whether it was the fact that you could run faster, or were just plain lucky, you made it out alive. Even you aren't sure why. But you're sure as hell not going back, or risking your ass for anyone else from now on.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 11% on survivalpoints

Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on Ok Cupid

"Some Of My Best Friends Are Polyhedral..."

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

The Front Page

This morning I attended a preview screening of the film Constantine, free of charge (no, it's nothing to do with the first Christian emperor of Rome). It was free because I'm reviewing it for Liverpool University's "ICON Radio". I'll put up a link to the review when they've got it.

Last Man Standing

Today Susanne, the last of my German housemates, goes home. In about a month, though, I get a brand-new housemate. Exciting!

Given that I'm about to spend 3 weeks living on my own in a big flat, it may have been a mistake to watch The Evil Dead last night. It was, however, interesting. I'm a confirmed fan of Evil Dead II, which is really a remake of the first film, so seeing the differences between them was fascinating. The main difference is humour: The Evil Dead is a horror film. Evil Dead II is a comedy with some horror in it. I'm sure that there are people who don't find a man shouting "Who's laughing now?" while cutting off his own demonically-posessed hand with a chainsaw to be funny, but they're wrong.

On the other hand, I could certainly have lived without The Evil Dead's infamous "raped by a tree" scene, and it is interesting that that wasn't featured in Evil Dead II. There's another difference between the two films, here. The Evil Dead is pretty misogynistic. That's not unusual for a horror film, but the overt way in which it's featured is: it's as if it's a conscious theme. This was something else that seems to have been toned down for the second film.

So like I say, all very interesting.

I Guess I'll Have To Tell 'em/That I Got No Cerebellum

I dare say that somewhere in the rules of criticism, there’s a paragraph on keeping an open mind and trying not to pre-empt the viewing experience.

Last night I broke that rule, when I saw End Of The Century: The Story of The Ramones. I knew that I would like this film just because of its subject matter: a band that I’m rather fond of. End Of The Century is the tragic-comic story of what happens when a geek, a junkie, a right-winger, and someone with technical skill form one of a century’s most influential bands. They make some music, it fails to get the success it deserves, and they then spend 25 years testing each other to the point of breaking.

All the Spinal Tap hallmarks are here: the endless merry-go-round of drummers, the footage from the tour-bus, the interview interrupted by someone’s wife, and the absurdly rock ‘n’ roll moments (Johnny Ramone pulling The Clash and The Sex Pistols through a window in 1976). What lifts End Of The Century above the level of standard fare is the genuine sense of tragedy that surrounds the band’s two deceased members, Joey and Dee Dee Ramone.

In a sense, a documentary like this isn’t that hard to make: there’s a story which naturally tells itself. It’s also hard to turn a Rockumentary into a meditation on the nature of truth like Capturing The Friedmans. End Of The Century succeeds by giving what feels like genuine insight into the lives of people who are heroes of yours because of what they did, not who they were. As such, it comes recommended.

End Of A Century

The Edge...There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

- Hunter S. Thompson, Hells Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga Of The Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs (1966)

So, now Hunter S. Thompson joins the list of those sleeping the big one, along with John Peel, Douglas Adams, and various Ramones. It's like someone just said to me: we're seeing the 20th Century die off.

Digital Guerilla

So, the film project is, as of 3 PM today, finished. It's only two minutes long, but given that it had to be written, shot, and edited by me in six hours, I think that's enough.

Featuring footage snached from the top of Liverpool's Anglican Cathedral, quotes by Poet/Dramatist/Occultist/Nationalist/Twat W.B. Yeats, and a soundtrack of the most obscure Pulp track ever recorded, the film will see its premiere tomorrow morning.

I'm working on finding a way for all of you to see it.

"I'm A Self-Facilitating Media Node"

Well, today began my intensive week-long course in Postgraduate Training. Up until now I was an untrained postgraduate, fit only to be used as cannon-fodder in the culture wars.

The day began with an icebreaker. Based around a PhD-themed game of Snakes & Ladders. Next time I want to break some ice I'll use a sock full of snooker balls.

However, I did manage to turn the situation to my advantage. I volunteered to produce a 4-minute film for the presentation on Friday. So I'll be spending the next week getting some official training in what is essentailly my hobby.

Soon I'll be part of the hip 21st Centuryu techno-elite. Or the same loser I was before. Either way's good.

Jackass Monkeyfucker

So, the ebayer of my copy of Windows 98 SE has proven to be a Jackass Monkeyfucker (and I mean that in the classic sense of the term). A week has gone by since he bought it. I invoiced him theday after he made the purchase. Five days after he made the purchase, I sent him a friendly e-mail.

Looking at his ebay profile, I see that he has purchased (and completed the purchase) of another copy of Windows 98. One that cost a bit less.

Now it is possible that he did not realise that clicking on the "buy it now!" button constituted a legally. binding. contract. But I suspect not.

I'd feel a whole lot worse about this if it weren't for the fact that I will get £30 of credit to spend on ebay and a free relist for it. So his Jackass Monkeyfuckery has actually made me more money.

Over at N.A.O.W.F.I.T., I've written a little piece, just for fun. It's very...me.

On Dealing With Footpads...

The two-part article Self-defence with a Walking-stick: The Different Methods of Defending Oneself with a Walking-Stick or Umbrella when Attacked under Unequal Conditions.

Part one is here.
Part two is here.

I so need to get myself a gentleman's walking stick!

This Is Uncool

Well, my review of the "Call of Cthulhu" supplement Dark Designs is up over at RPG.net. Those of you who fear bookshops run by fat, swaying men can read it here. Everyone else isn't necessarily missing much.

Someone on Ebay has just bought my copy of Windows 98 SE for £30! Joy! I've already gone out and bought a ticket to see The Raveonettes in March.

Genius.

Over at RPG.net, one poster has just applied to do some voluntary work with kids. He was provided with a list of indicators that an adult may be a perpetrator of child abuse. Here we go:

Men (18-38):

• Low self-esteem.
• May be involved in youth activities such as group leaders or coaches.
• May be married or single.
• May or may not be homosexual.
• Tend not to have substance abuse problems.
• Less of a team player.
• Sensitive to children's needs and have a way of putting children at ease.

Let me run two of those by you again:

• May be married or single.
• May or may not be homosexual.

So the criteria for being a perpetrator include being a man who is alive. Nice work, guys.

Being Watched...

So, for the first time I'm trying to sell something on ebay. I check the "My Ebay" page this morning, and descover that the item is "being watched" by one person.

So I am excited. And slightly spooked, for some reason.

The Diceman Cometh

Proof that the best thing about the internet is it's sheer uselessness:

The World's Largest Collection of Dice

Contrary to what you might think, I haven't really posted this to mock. Dice are very easy to get quite fetishistic about, if you aren't careful...

Invigilation Day

It's a new film, in which Denzel Washington plays me. Marvel as he turns up late to an exam, pissing off a student no end, and has to add half-an-hour on as a consequence.

Today's exam was better, thankfully. The main problem with invigilation is finding something to keep you occupied for three hours. I'm passing the time by reading Nicholas Goodrick-Clarke's The Occult Roots Of Nazism: Secret Aryan Cults and Their Influence on Nazi Ideology, The Ariosophists of Austria and Germany 1890-1935. And very interesting it is, too.

Christmas and New Year was no end of fun, especially watching my parents play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas on the PS2 that my sister borrowed from the BBFC. At the risk of making my previous post somewhat hypocritical, if you don't feel some kind of thrill while orchestrating a drive-by shooting to the strains of "Welcome To The Jungle", you probably aren't alive.

New Year was similarly good fun. I can now recommend eating large amounts of Stilton while drinking as a method of avoiding a hangover the next day. Try it.

So, now it's back to Uni, and some hard work to make sure that I get upgraded to PhD this year.

City Of Frozen Hills

"I deny nothing, but doubt everything."

- Byron

This is being posted from a Youth Hostel in Glasgow. Don't worry, my life hasn't collapsed: I'm here at the Theoretical Archaeology Group 2004 conference. Interesting stuff so far. Yesterday was "The Archaeology of Conflict", the segment which I was most interested in. Several interesting papers, one of which was even about conflict in the Aegean Bronze Age.

There was a perfect example of the archaeology of conflict when I ran into RW. When I told her why I was there, she was very politely snide about y'know, my entire area of research. In her view, you see, studying warfare is something bone-headed men do, while bold feminists such as herself do real work. Those of you who know me well might find the concept of me as some sort of Ernest Hemingway clone quite amusing. Me, I'm too pissed off.

The conference as a whole has given me plenty to think about, mostly about being much more rigerous with myself and my approach to the work. It's too easy to write about ships and ignore people. On the other hand, I don't want my work to be a political speech with some archaeological material in there as window dressing.

Anyway, I must go. My time's running out and Yvette's presenting her paper this afternoon. I'll post again in the New Year!

An Accumulation Of Anecdotes

Last night I went to see scriptwriter Frank Cotrell Boyce at Liverpool’s 3345 club. You may remember him from such scripts as 24 Hour Party People, Code 46, Revengers Tragedy, and Hilary and Jackie.

I think the best thing I learned from it was that you don’t have to be the stereotype of an industry-person in order to be a scriptwriter. Boyce is far less organised than I am, and freely admitted that the script for 24 Hour Party People was never actually finished. He was also nice enough not to get annoyed when I pointed out that the fact that the script was unfinished probably helped the film work.

His advice on scriptwriting and actually getting films made was also interesting. He suggests that the best thing to do is work with people you like and get on with, rather than picking people for technical expertise. As he pointed out, this also means that your script usually ends up less mangled…

The other main point he made was that the “Three-Act Structure” and “Write What You Know”, are both utter, utter, crap. He suggested that the structures of The Godfather and Apocalypse Now are both accumulations of anecdotes, through which the audience pieces together relevance and an overarching storyline by themselves. As for writing what you know: “It’s obvious to me that Shakespeare should have waited to be crowned King of England before writing Richard III”.

All in all, a very good evening.