I Guess I'll Have To Tell 'em/That I Got No Cerebellum

I dare say that somewhere in the rules of criticism, there’s a paragraph on keeping an open mind and trying not to pre-empt the viewing experience.

Last night I broke that rule, when I saw End Of The Century: The Story of The Ramones. I knew that I would like this film just because of its subject matter: a band that I’m rather fond of. End Of The Century is the tragic-comic story of what happens when a geek, a junkie, a right-winger, and someone with technical skill form one of a century’s most influential bands. They make some music, it fails to get the success it deserves, and they then spend 25 years testing each other to the point of breaking.

All the Spinal Tap hallmarks are here: the endless merry-go-round of drummers, the footage from the tour-bus, the interview interrupted by someone’s wife, and the absurdly rock ‘n’ roll moments (Johnny Ramone pulling The Clash and The Sex Pistols through a window in 1976). What lifts End Of The Century above the level of standard fare is the genuine sense of tragedy that surrounds the band’s two deceased members, Joey and Dee Dee Ramone.

In a sense, a documentary like this isn’t that hard to make: there’s a story which naturally tells itself. It’s also hard to turn a Rockumentary into a meditation on the nature of truth like Capturing The Friedmans. End Of The Century succeeds by giving what feels like genuine insight into the lives of people who are heroes of yours because of what they did, not who they were. As such, it comes recommended.

End Of A Century

The Edge...There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

- Hunter S. Thompson, Hells Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga Of The Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs (1966)

So, now Hunter S. Thompson joins the list of those sleeping the big one, along with John Peel, Douglas Adams, and various Ramones. It's like someone just said to me: we're seeing the 20th Century die off.

Digital Guerilla

So, the film project is, as of 3 PM today, finished. It's only two minutes long, but given that it had to be written, shot, and edited by me in six hours, I think that's enough.

Featuring footage snached from the top of Liverpool's Anglican Cathedral, quotes by Poet/Dramatist/Occultist/Nationalist/Twat W.B. Yeats, and a soundtrack of the most obscure Pulp track ever recorded, the film will see its premiere tomorrow morning.

I'm working on finding a way for all of you to see it.

"I'm A Self-Facilitating Media Node"

Well, today began my intensive week-long course in Postgraduate Training. Up until now I was an untrained postgraduate, fit only to be used as cannon-fodder in the culture wars.

The day began with an icebreaker. Based around a PhD-themed game of Snakes & Ladders. Next time I want to break some ice I'll use a sock full of snooker balls.

However, I did manage to turn the situation to my advantage. I volunteered to produce a 4-minute film for the presentation on Friday. So I'll be spending the next week getting some official training in what is essentailly my hobby.

Soon I'll be part of the hip 21st Centuryu techno-elite. Or the same loser I was before. Either way's good.

Jackass Monkeyfucker

So, the ebayer of my copy of Windows 98 SE has proven to be a Jackass Monkeyfucker (and I mean that in the classic sense of the term). A week has gone by since he bought it. I invoiced him theday after he made the purchase. Five days after he made the purchase, I sent him a friendly e-mail.

Looking at his ebay profile, I see that he has purchased (and completed the purchase) of another copy of Windows 98. One that cost a bit less.

Now it is possible that he did not realise that clicking on the "buy it now!" button constituted a legally. binding. contract. But I suspect not.

I'd feel a whole lot worse about this if it weren't for the fact that I will get £30 of credit to spend on ebay and a free relist for it. So his Jackass Monkeyfuckery has actually made me more money.

Over at N.A.O.W.F.I.T., I've written a little piece, just for fun. It's very...me.

On Dealing With Footpads...

The two-part article Self-defence with a Walking-stick: The Different Methods of Defending Oneself with a Walking-Stick or Umbrella when Attacked under Unequal Conditions.

Part one is here.
Part two is here.

I so need to get myself a gentleman's walking stick!

This Is Uncool

Well, my review of the "Call of Cthulhu" supplement Dark Designs is up over at RPG.net. Those of you who fear bookshops run by fat, swaying men can read it here. Everyone else isn't necessarily missing much.

Someone on Ebay has just bought my copy of Windows 98 SE for £30! Joy! I've already gone out and bought a ticket to see The Raveonettes in March.

Genius.

Over at RPG.net, one poster has just applied to do some voluntary work with kids. He was provided with a list of indicators that an adult may be a perpetrator of child abuse. Here we go:

Men (18-38):

• Low self-esteem.
• May be involved in youth activities such as group leaders or coaches.
• May be married or single.
• May or may not be homosexual.
• Tend not to have substance abuse problems.
• Less of a team player.
• Sensitive to children's needs and have a way of putting children at ease.

Let me run two of those by you again:

• May be married or single.
• May or may not be homosexual.

So the criteria for being a perpetrator include being a man who is alive. Nice work, guys.

Being Watched...

So, for the first time I'm trying to sell something on ebay. I check the "My Ebay" page this morning, and descover that the item is "being watched" by one person.

So I am excited. And slightly spooked, for some reason.

The Diceman Cometh

Proof that the best thing about the internet is it's sheer uselessness:

The World's Largest Collection of Dice

Contrary to what you might think, I haven't really posted this to mock. Dice are very easy to get quite fetishistic about, if you aren't careful...

Invigilation Day

It's a new film, in which Denzel Washington plays me. Marvel as he turns up late to an exam, pissing off a student no end, and has to add half-an-hour on as a consequence.

Today's exam was better, thankfully. The main problem with invigilation is finding something to keep you occupied for three hours. I'm passing the time by reading Nicholas Goodrick-Clarke's The Occult Roots Of Nazism: Secret Aryan Cults and Their Influence on Nazi Ideology, The Ariosophists of Austria and Germany 1890-1935. And very interesting it is, too.

Christmas and New Year was no end of fun, especially watching my parents play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas on the PS2 that my sister borrowed from the BBFC. At the risk of making my previous post somewhat hypocritical, if you don't feel some kind of thrill while orchestrating a drive-by shooting to the strains of "Welcome To The Jungle", you probably aren't alive.

New Year was similarly good fun. I can now recommend eating large amounts of Stilton while drinking as a method of avoiding a hangover the next day. Try it.

So, now it's back to Uni, and some hard work to make sure that I get upgraded to PhD this year.

City Of Frozen Hills

"I deny nothing, but doubt everything."

- Byron

This is being posted from a Youth Hostel in Glasgow. Don't worry, my life hasn't collapsed: I'm here at the Theoretical Archaeology Group 2004 conference. Interesting stuff so far. Yesterday was "The Archaeology of Conflict", the segment which I was most interested in. Several interesting papers, one of which was even about conflict in the Aegean Bronze Age.

There was a perfect example of the archaeology of conflict when I ran into RW. When I told her why I was there, she was very politely snide about y'know, my entire area of research. In her view, you see, studying warfare is something bone-headed men do, while bold feminists such as herself do real work. Those of you who know me well might find the concept of me as some sort of Ernest Hemingway clone quite amusing. Me, I'm too pissed off.

The conference as a whole has given me plenty to think about, mostly about being much more rigerous with myself and my approach to the work. It's too easy to write about ships and ignore people. On the other hand, I don't want my work to be a political speech with some archaeological material in there as window dressing.

Anyway, I must go. My time's running out and Yvette's presenting her paper this afternoon. I'll post again in the New Year!

An Accumulation Of Anecdotes

Last night I went to see scriptwriter Frank Cotrell Boyce at Liverpool’s 3345 club. You may remember him from such scripts as 24 Hour Party People, Code 46, Revengers Tragedy, and Hilary and Jackie.

I think the best thing I learned from it was that you don’t have to be the stereotype of an industry-person in order to be a scriptwriter. Boyce is far less organised than I am, and freely admitted that the script for 24 Hour Party People was never actually finished. He was also nice enough not to get annoyed when I pointed out that the fact that the script was unfinished probably helped the film work.

His advice on scriptwriting and actually getting films made was also interesting. He suggests that the best thing to do is work with people you like and get on with, rather than picking people for technical expertise. As he pointed out, this also means that your script usually ends up less mangled…

The other main point he made was that the “Three-Act Structure” and “Write What You Know”, are both utter, utter, crap. He suggested that the structures of The Godfather and Apocalypse Now are both accumulations of anecdotes, through which the audience pieces together relevance and an overarching storyline by themselves. As for writing what you know: “It’s obvious to me that Shakespeare should have waited to be crowned King of England before writing Richard III”.

All in all, a very good evening.

The Modern Dance

There is a theory that 80s memes are back in fashion. There are Reaganites in the Whitehouse, a Thatcherite in Number 10, and the prophecies of the smarter cyberpunk authors are coming true around our ears. Which means that the bands I saw on Friday night are well placed to take advantage.

The gig was at the Liverpool Guild of Students. Being a fool, I turned up at 7:30, the time on the ticket. No one was around. Soon enough I saw people who must be there for the gig: suits, ties, red shoes, brylcreamed hair in a side parting. I followed them into the bar. It was just me and them in there, then. Only later did I realise that they were one of the bands, Maximo Park. I like to think that the reason I wasn’t thrown out was that staff thought I was actually a band member.

Maximo Park turned out to be not half bad, but then I’m biased: their frontman is the frontman I’d like to be – a mixture of Jarvis Cocker, Bryan Ferry, and George Orwell, the avatar of rage-in-a-suit. They rattled through some suitable new-wave guitar songs.

Then the fun really began, when The Futureheads took the stage. A Futureheads gig is like being trapped in a washing machine with some rocks. Black-shirted rocks who stand in line and play guitar. They sound like The Clash gene-spliced with Billy Bragg, their songs are given titles like “A Picture of Dorian Gray”, and everything is undercut with dry Geordie wit. Furthermore, they succeeded in making me dance like an epileptic on speed. Suffice it to say that they come recommended.

There's more music-based insanity over at N.A.O.W.F.I.T., where Tom, following a challange laid down by myself, has written a surf-pop song entitled "Salt City".

Has Comedy Jumped The Shark?

Watching the first series of Black Books on DVD this week, I note two things.

The first is that this moment may be the peak of western comedy:



"Which one of you...bitches...wants to dance?"

The second is that we have a celebrity lookalike for Emily:


The lovely Tamsin Greig!

I realise that Emily will probably disagree, and may attempt to stab me next time I see her, but I'm willing to put myself at risk for the furtherance of science.

In other news, I have received an e-mail from someone outraged by the content of Tuesday's post. It is a spoof, but I am pleased nonetheless.

The South Will Rise Again...

Posted without comment:

A Very Medical Christmas

This morning I bought a copy of the Independent, as yesterday it not only gave me a useful map of the Ukraine, but also a very good story about the Knights Templar.

The back page of the "Health" section has a wide variety of medically-related ads: anger management courses, "pick and mix" condoms, and an unpleasant-looking plastic gadget for toning-up vaginal muscles.

And then the thought occurred: is this a Christmas-related marketing push? Are there people who want to give someone an anger management course for the festive season? Do people exchange contraception under the Christmas tree? Will someone be unwrapping this on Christmas morning?:


Hmmm. Yesterday was geopolitics. Today it's pelvic-floor stimulation. Welcome to my world.

The Bear In Winter

So, here's a recap. The western part of the Ukraine speaks Ukrainian. The eastern part speaks Russian, and could therefore, if you were in the mood, be described as "ethnic Russians". These eastern areas are threatening to secede if the election result is overturned.

Meanwhile, the Russians are rather attached to the idea of the Ukraine being Russian, as Russia actually started out in the Ukraine nearly 1000 years ago. The Russian Black Sea Fleet is still based in the Ukraine. As are Russian nuclear weapons.

According to some reports, Putin has moved Spetznatz units to the Russian/Ukrainian border. According to other reports, some of those units have already arrived in Kiev.

I've got a bad feeling about this one.

Iconograffiti

Recently, on the internet forum which I frequent, someone posted this photo of a billboard somewhere in America:



Of course, the internet being the internet, it wasn't too long before someone got to work with Photoshop:

And You Will Know Us By Our Trail Of Geekiness

This won't really interest a lot of you, but I've written a review of the "Call of Cthulhu" supplement "Sacraments of Evil", which is online over at RPG.net. Those who want to see it can do so here.