Finally.

For a long time in Star Wars conversations, I’ve been outlining the following theory: Episode I was rubbish, but Episode II was an improvement, and if that trend continued, Episode III might actually be good.

Well, I now get to be smug and say that I was right. Having seen the film courtesy of the BBFC on Thursday evening, I can say that Revenge Of The Sith is as good as any of the original Star Wars trilogy. It’s got the action, excitement, operatic sweep, and a sense of humour that doesn’t rely on wacky space Rastafarians.

Of course, not everything in the garden is rosy. Lucas still can’t write romantic dialogue to save his life, and makes some odd decisions (R2-D2 is suddenly a close-combat badass? Of course he is.) I’m also not sure why he feels the need to shoe-horn in characters from the original trilogy (Here’s Chewbacca! For no reason!).

Those flaws are minor. Where Lucas really lets himself down is in the two moments which are intended to be the dramatic high-points of the film, but are both sabotaged. One is wrecked by the casting of a kid who appears to have been drafted in from a school play. The other is destroyed by a piece of script-writing so cheesily hackneyed that it couldn’t be much worse if the line was “And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for those pesky Jedi!”. Honestly, I wanted to eat my own face in embarrassment.

But even with all that in mind, this film is great, and the Star Wars magic is finally back. Still not convinced? Think about this: Obi-Wan Kenobi chasing a cyborg on a giant lizard. There’s nothing not to like about that.

So go and see it.

The Greatest Tool For The Rapid Dissemination Of Utter Nonsense

You have to love internet forums. Where else could I have uttered this?:

"Because maths is a universal language, of course, so the Middle East is just a really, really big equation which we have to solve. And maybe we will, a century from now, when we're all post-human cyborg killing machines from the future."

Hard-Disk Trash

Monkey See, Monkey Do.

Me indulging in web-comicery was bound to happen eventually. Who knows, if I stick at it it may eventually become funny, or insightful, or something.

Victory And Defeat

Don't rejoice in his defeat, you men.

For though the world stood up and stopped the bastard,

The bitch that bore him is in heat again.

- Bertolt Brecht

"Who Elected Them? You."

http://www.mnftiu.cc/mnftiu.cc/war46.html

Oh, The Humanity!

The internet has just introduced me to the works of Andy Remic, an author so bad that he represents absolute zero on a scale of authordom. It is simply not possible to be any worse than him. Fans of language should look away now:

Glancing up, The Mongrel saw the office light go out and he smiled, a grim smile, the sort of smile which can only appear on the face of a man who’s had two fingers blown off by a grenade.

Ben had a look on his face, but it was not confusion. It was far from confusion. It lingered in the realms of terror and pelted apples at the windows of disgust.

And above the world as this deadly virus spread, Mankind suddenly realised that He was cursed, and that God was Laughing and it was a Long Laugh and the Humour was Black and there was No Cure and No Help and No Redemption and the Pit and the Void Welcomed Unwary Travellers with a cool pint of SNOT. In a straight glass.

My Life In Film

On Friday, I unexpectedly made my film debut. While helping with the shooting of some scenes for the amateur film "Play Nice" I was twice press-ganged into acting. The first occasion saw my crotch being used to simulate a crowded bar. In the second, not only is my face on camera, but my character has a name! And delivers the line "What? But Evette's not been interested in anyone the whole time she's been here!". At some point, you'll doubtless get to see this. Hilarity will almost certainly ensue.

I spent Thursday evening (yes, all of it) in the FACT cinema, watching Downfall, the German film about the last days of Hitler's life. It is very interesting: while Bruno Gantz's performance as Hitler involved a lot more ranting than I'd been led to believe, he does a very good job of portraying Hitler as a rather sad middle-aged man. While there has (predictably) been controversy about this "human" Hitler, I find it a lot more disturbing to think that a man who couldn't watch his dog being poisoned was directly responsible for the deaths of over 50 million people.

Downfall is, inevitably, heavy going, as it consists of 2 hours and 45 minutes of footage of people committing suicide, so it won't be everyone's glass of schapps, but provided that you're sufficiently interested in the subject, I'd recommend seeing it.

More Animal Badassery

Badass Monkey

See here:

Surprise Result

According to, The Geek Test I score only 12.03156%, and therefore only have Geekish Tendancies, rather than being a fully-fledged geek. Surprised me.

I have recieved the first complaint about the new colour scheme. And ignored it.

Oh Me Oh My!

New Adventures In Dial-Up

I've now returned to Liverpool, having spent the Easter holidays getting my parents online, and copying music for my sister, who now owns an iPod mini.

It's all change at the flat on Smithdown Road, as I now have a new housemate, Shaomya (I've guessed how to spell that, so it may contain none of the right letters). Anyone who owns a Spiderman mug is OK by me.

As far as the PhD goes, I'll find out how that rough first-draft chapter is, as Chris Mee has been reading it over Easter...

Switchblade Romance

So at night when she’s sound asleep
I head out in the rain to meet
All the things she never gave
To me when I was down
All the things I had to find
With strangers in strange towns

- The Raveonettes, "Little Animal"

Thursday saw me at the Guild of Students again, this time to see Denmark’s premier exponents of neo-50s pulp-noir rock ‘n’ roll, The Raveonettes. It’s become my tradition to mock the support acts, so here we go. First up were The Boxer Rebellion, who blotted their copybook with me by not taking to the stage dressed as Kansu Tigermen. This failing was compounded by the fact that they were rubbish. Marginally better were The Dogs, who filled their slot by copying The Jam. If I wanted to hear that, I would’ve stayed at home and listened to The Jam. Decent version of "A-Bomb On Wardour Street", mind.

The Raveonettes provide an interesting counterpoint to The Dogs. It’s the difference between copying someone and remixing your influences: Sune Rose Wagner and Sharin Foo somehow manage to channel the spirits of Buddy Holly, Marlon Brando, Phil Spector, and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, turning them into something unique.

The Raveonettes have successfully identified what was always great about 1950s rock, and have revived it. It’s filled with the joy of being young and rich, 50s teenagers being the first generatrion to enjoy that. At the same time, it recognises the hollowness underneath it all. You can cruise down California’s sun-baked highways all you like, but we all know that eventually you’ll reach the sea, and then there’s nowhere else to go.

What I’m trying to say is this: you should like The Raveonettes, and if you don’t there’s something wrong with you.

It’s as simple as that.

Airwaves Dream

Watching TV advertising does teach you a lot about the world. Here are just a few things that I didn't know at the start of the week:

1. Some women like to gather in groups, eat crisps, and make pseudo-risque comments about the crisps as they do so. They appear to be unaware that this makes them ther most boring people on Earth.



2. Men should not have facial expressions, and I can now buy a cosmetic product with "anti-expression" ingredients. Blank Generation indeed.



3. Women are allowed to use tampons as currency. The exact value of a tampon is not stated, but they seem to be quite valuable.

A Lovely Day Tomorrow

When you torture somebody to death...everybody would acknowledge that’s torture. But placing a sterilized needle under somebody’s fingernails for fifteen minutes, causing excruciating pain but no permanent physical damage — is that torture?

- Alan Dershowitz, Professor of Criminal Law at Harvard Law School

"We Should Be In The Cellar, Goddamit!"

You made it. Barely. Congratulations! You scored 53!

Whether it was the fact that you could run faster, or were just plain lucky, you made it out alive. Even you aren't sure why. But you're sure as hell not going back, or risking your ass for anyone else from now on.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 11% on survivalpoints

Link: The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test written by ci8db4uok on Ok Cupid

"Some Of My Best Friends Are Polyhedral..."

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

The Front Page

This morning I attended a preview screening of the film Constantine, free of charge (no, it's nothing to do with the first Christian emperor of Rome). It was free because I'm reviewing it for Liverpool University's "ICON Radio". I'll put up a link to the review when they've got it.

Last Man Standing

Today Susanne, the last of my German housemates, goes home. In about a month, though, I get a brand-new housemate. Exciting!

Given that I'm about to spend 3 weeks living on my own in a big flat, it may have been a mistake to watch The Evil Dead last night. It was, however, interesting. I'm a confirmed fan of Evil Dead II, which is really a remake of the first film, so seeing the differences between them was fascinating. The main difference is humour: The Evil Dead is a horror film. Evil Dead II is a comedy with some horror in it. I'm sure that there are people who don't find a man shouting "Who's laughing now?" while cutting off his own demonically-posessed hand with a chainsaw to be funny, but they're wrong.

On the other hand, I could certainly have lived without The Evil Dead's infamous "raped by a tree" scene, and it is interesting that that wasn't featured in Evil Dead II. There's another difference between the two films, here. The Evil Dead is pretty misogynistic. That's not unusual for a horror film, but the overt way in which it's featured is: it's as if it's a conscious theme. This was something else that seems to have been toned down for the second film.

So like I say, all very interesting.